My Thoughts and the Eulogy for My Sister.

My sister, Debbie, passed away on August 1st in her sleep. Her health had not been the best for the past five years. She smoked and had developed COPD, and on top of that, she was morbidly obese. Though not currently in the hospital, she had been a frequent patient for half a decade because of the COPD and chronic bronchitis she developed each year. She had struggled with depression her whole life, regularly falling into periods where she could not get medication and would be nearly catatonic except for the very basic functions it took to care for her children.

Her life was sad. I know she found genuine joy, but reflecting on her and what she went through, I can help but feel that she lost potential because of circumstances she could never quite overcome. There was more to her than the mere words I wrote for her funeral below could convey, but I think the words I wrote punch straight to the spirit of my dear sister. I have more to write about her and about us, her family, but that’s for another time. Below is my eulogy for my sister Debra Joe Stanton.

Deborah Joe Stanton was not wealthy. She did not have a lot of stuff. She wasn’t a figure in the community, nor was she famous. She struggled with mental health issues most of her life and physical health issues later in life. But despite all that, she had something that is not always freely given and is not always deserved: Love. She loved everybody, even those that she didn’t like. She had the warmth and kindness that few people do.

She loved her parents, who preceded her in death. She loved all her siblings and, when they married, their spouses. She loved her nieces and nephews, and when they grew up and married and had kids, she loved them as too. Most of all loved her children. She took great joy in them, their interests, their passions, their wins, and their losses. She was protective, sometimes more than she should be. But it was always well-intentioned. She loved her babies, and that’s what they were to her.

But honestly, we were all her babies. She helped raise many of us. Aunt Debbie, Debbie, Dee-Bra! Grandma Debbie. So many of us grew up with her watching over us. Making sure we were happy and safe, or being sad when we fought with each other or were mean. She always had nieces and nephews at her house, and she was happy to let them stay. When her siblings or friends needed to get away for the afternoon, evening, or weekend, she was at her door, her arms wide open. She’d make sure you were full, comfortable, and safe. That’s who and what Debbie was.

Almost all of us have memories of staying at Debbie’s house. That remained true even as we all grew up and had kids of our own. We knew we could count on her because she loved us and our children, and like when we were young, she wanted us to be warm, content, happy, and loved.

Love that is so freely and sincerely given has become rare. Debbie’s love never seemed to end. She had so much of it she seemed to burst sometimes. When you find somebody with so much love who gives it out so freely, it never seems like it will run out.

But that isn’t true. It runs out eventually. And when it does, you realize just how much love that person gave. Debbie gave a lot. More than almost everybody I know. Now that she’s gone, we can all feel that gap in our hearts that was filled with her love. It makes us gasp for its absence. But breathe deep and remember her and the times you had talked with her, played at her house, spent time with her, and you’ll feel it again. And you’ll smile because the love is still there.

Click here to read her obituary.